Green Mass Murder

I am trying to be more green. I turn off lights. I walk to the mall. I have planted vegetables. I am using wormcasts, seaweed spray, horse manure and compost. I want to live in more harmony with my environment. I don't want to use pesticides, agri-chemicals or wonder blast fertilizers. But every time I walk into my garden I become a raging inferno of murder lust. Snails never used to bother me. Now I am compelled to stomp them. Until recently I had never touched a slug. Every night now I pick them off my lettuces put them in a bucket and pour boiling water on them. Then I feed the slop to my carnivorous strawberries. Clover and ragwort used to be just green stuff. Now they are the enemy of my garlic and THEY MUST DIE! I tear them from their hardwon homes and hurl them into a heap with every intention of using their rotten carcasses to flavour my food. I encourage ladybugs and hedgehogs on the understanding that they will kill,kill, KILL! Kermit was right. It ain't easy being green.